The wound is the place where the light enters you. Rumi
Life is full of pain, joy, anger—the whole gamut of emotions. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to process our emotions, express them, allow them and allow others to express them, can be a healing process. Too often we feel we need to move on with grief or to gloss over pain.
The grieving process is different for everyone, yet if we are seen to dwell on things too much, we may be seen as not being positive enough or strong enough. It’s almost like we aren’t allowed to be sad anymore.
We are not perfect people who move through stages of emotion in a straight line or in a formulaic manner. Working through stuff takes time.
Our friend Paul McGee puts it like this: Paul advocates allowing ourselves to wallow at times (i.e. to have Hippo Time)
The need for Hippo Time will vary according to the person and his/her situation. But here are some events that may trigger a period of wallowing:
Your partner dumps you.
You miss out on that promotion at work.
You miss your train or plane.
Your sports team loses an important match.
You fail to get the job you were interviewed for.
A friend lets you down in some way.
You lose or break something of sentimental value.
You are made redundant.
Why not add two of your own events that have led to a legitimate time of wallowing?
Why do we need Hippo Time?
To be simply told to Shut Up, Move On when any, or if you are really unlucky, all of the above has occurred is to deny reality. As human beings we are by nature emotional. A life without experiencing emotional highs and lows would be boring and bland. In order to move on, you need at times to acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. There will be occasions when we can SUMO in an instant. But let’s be real here – there will be other occasions when we need to take a Hippo Time detour.
Hippo Time provides you with the opportunity to experience your emotional lows and to be honest about those feelings. (Paul is the author of S.U.M.O. Shut Up, Move On)
Depending on the severity of the situation, the time to wallow varies. If we complained and wallowed for three months because we missed a train is excessive and we should move on. However, if we have had a relationship breakdown or a death, the length of time may be much longer.
Happiness is an important goal. To be content with our lives and to enjoy it is a great quality, however, happiness is not something we experience every minute of every day. In being vulnerable, we should be able to express our feelings. That’s not to encourage whinging and whining, but an honest expression of how we are going.
Life is often a beautiful mess and embracing all that life brings, allowing ourselves to be authentic and honest means that we validate our emotions and give permission to others to be the same.
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