Last year, I took three months off writing. It was a trial-separation. Writing had occupied my mind and life for the last fifteen years and, when I finished my latest novel last year, I was exhausted.
I took a break from my relationship with writing and took off to New York, Paris, and Scandinavia for a two-month break.
At times, I thought I wouldn’t come back to writing. At times, I missed it like crazy. But the separation was necessary to assess where I’m at in my relationship with writing.
My husband said I was more present when my other love wasn’t so much on mind. He says he can tell when I’m thinking about writing and not really listening to him.
It’s taken another couple of months to finally step back into relationship with my writing. Reconciliation is not often successful in relationships. It’s hard to walk back into a relationship and give it everything you’ve got.
You remember the hard times, the times it hurt you, the times it seduced you into thinking you were good at it, and the times you wanted it to go away.
As the year clicked over, I picked up my notebook and scribbled out an idea for a new novel and began to read some books related to the subject.
Writing began to woo me again and it got me thinking. Had I crowded my life with too much and pushed writing away because I was distracted and tired?
I only have so much energy and time to give to people and my work. Squeezing in writing around other stuff had taken me away from my first love. My #BAE.
When I began writing, I’d drop the kids at school and come home and write all day before picking them up again. Then, while they were doing homework or playing, I’d prepare dinner, tidy up, and get ready to spend the evening with my family.
My time now is often taken up with appointments with people wanting to write, volunteer time, family, friends, and household responsibilities. And travel, of course. Three months of the year is spent on the road and this is not often conducive to writing–it’s inspiring, but not easy to write.
Instead of New Year Resolutions, I’m working out what my #BAE’s are this year. My ‘before all elses’.
In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown writes:
I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles. You have to know that I’m trying to be Wholehearted, but I still cuss too much, flip people off under the steering wheel, and have both Lawrence Welk and Metallica on my iPod.
If my #BAE’s have to fit on a post-it note then here they are:
When you’re in a new relationship, you want to spend all your time with that person and you will put other things off to be with them.
Do you remember your first loves? The first time you met your partner? Those early days of dating?
I was ten years old when I wrote a story after a school excursion. I’ll never forget the feeling of words flowing from my head, through my body, through the pen onto paper. I’ll never forget the physical mark of the pen on my hand. I’ll never forget the mark on my soul.
I’ll never forget the day I first dreamed of being a writer.
As I grow older and time becomes more precious, I’m returning to my first loves. Returning in the sense that in 2018 my priorities got a little skewed and I got exhausted.
In 2019, I’m focusing on my first loves and my biggest, best yeses will be framed by my list of #BAE’s.
Before all else, I’ll eat well, exercise, write, spend time with my people, volunteer in key spaces, and travel. (Travelling to Italy annually has become obligatory!)
The Bible contains wisdom and some of my favourite words are: But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
The words encourage us to put the important things first and then all these things shall be added unto you.
One of my mantras this year is to seek first. I’ll seek first my love of writing. I’ll seek first spiritual health. I’ll seek first all my BAE’s. Everything else will be a ‘No’ or a bonus.
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