In the lead up to the release of my new novel, Amazing Grace, some friends have been brave enough to share their confessions. Confessions of domestic violence, abuse, an eating disorder, and miscarriage are often stories of shame, fear, and secrets. We often feel like we are the only ones who silently suffer, the only ones who have shameful secrets, the only ones who shudder to speak.
These confessions tell of grace. Grace isn’t always easy to give and it’s not always easy to receive. Grace is free, but it’s not easy.
*Trigger Warning: This post contains reference to sexual abuse.
Guest Post by Yvette Cherry
I was twelve when my mum left my family. She said she was going for the weekend, but she never came back.
Two weeks after she’d left, I asked my dad, “When will Mum be home?”
“Never,” he said. “She’s gone for good.”
Not the most sensitive way to break it to a twelve-year-old.
It is the reason why I never told her that, at sixteen, I was sexually abused by my boyfriend. It was why I never told her that I terminated the pregnancy that resulted from the abuse. She just wasn’t around to tell.
The only person I told was Dad. His advice was, “Let’s just keep this between you and me.”
He was trying to protect me in the only way he knew how.
At thirty-six I am a whole and healed person. I have wrestled with the memories and the pain. I have shed tears with my husband and walked and talked with the Lord, discovering and rediscovering that his mercy is unfailing and his love never ends.
It has taken twenty years, but I am ready to talk about the pain of loss, the pain of hiding secrets and feeling deep shame. I want women, young and old, to know they are not alone, and that nothing they do will separate them from the love of Christ.
But before that, I must tell my mum. I don’t want her to hear it any other way…
We sit on the couch. I tell her everything. She weeps for my pain. She weeps for my dad, for having to help me alone. I’m surprised by the depth of her sadness for him. All the things he had to navigate on his own.
There’s grace in the telling- “It’s not your fault, Mum. You had your own things to deal with.”
There’s grace in the receiving- “You were very brave, my darling. You are very brave.”
By Yvette Cherry
*If this post has affected you please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit lifeline.org.au
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